Intersection

8x10 oil

I’m not entirely sure about this, but it’s my guess that each one of us has had at least one seminal life moment, decision or event that has had an enormous impact on the shape of our lives. For me the first such moment was when, in the seventh grade, my mom kicked me out of the house, never to live at home again.

The consequence of that abrupt intersection was vast and enduring, and I remember it with tremendous love for my mother. It was the greatest gift she ever gave me.

This was in the Hawaiian Islands, where I grew up. To that point in my life I’d been as free as a feral cat. At any point in time, she rarely knew where I was or what I was doing. I came and went as I pleased. Once in a while she’d ask what I’d been up to, and I gave her the standard answer. “I don’t know. Nothing much.” She would accept that as good enough and ask if I’d seen one or more of my sisters. I had three of them who had freedom ideas of their own. Mom had her hands full, so full that she decided to get rid of one of us. Me.

I say this with humor, because my mom was a truly caring and loving parent. She was just overwhelmed. “You’ll love it,” she said as she packed me off to prep school on the other end of the island. “It’s in the middle of a cattle ranch.”

My freedom ended the day I unpacked my cardboard boxes in the old army barrack that was to be my new home. Instantly, there was a new order to my life. I had to say “Yessir,” or “No sir.” I had to make my own bed and clean my own locker and do dormitory chores and pass white glove inspections and wait on mess hall tables and go to classes six days a week and stand when a teacher walked into the room and remain standing until he said “Be seated” after staring at us as if we were mangled steel that needed to be heated and hammered into shape. And most shocking of all, I had to do homework, for cripe’s sake.

And I loved every minute of it.

I spent the next six years at that school, and came away with the consequences of my mother’s seventh grade decision. This is a little of what I discovered at prep school: I like structure. I like limits, which strangely give me more freedom than that of a feral cat. I am a creative. I love having friends, and I can get along with almost anyone. I love ranch lands and horses and cattle and the sweet aroma of pasture grass and cow pies. I love cats and dogs and young kids. I like being healthy and calm and happy, and staying that way. And I’m grateful that I learned about the importance of character, integrity, hard work, focus, honestly, friendship, loyalty, compassion and forgiveness. Basically, I learned how to be a stand up guy. I haven’t always been perfect at following what I learned, but I have always tried to be my best self.

To this day, I’m still trying.

Thank you, Mom. You knew when you needed help and you asked for it. I wish you were still around to ask me what I’ve been up to, because I have an infinitely grateful lifetime of things to tell you.